Kids quitting activities is the subject. When my daughter wanted to quit soccer a couple of years ago, which she thought she would love, I had her finish out the season because she had made a commitment to her team and she never had to play it again. My 7th grade son wanted to play football, so he is, but after loving it at first, now he says he hates it and wants to quit. When I ask him why, he throws out some reasons like his uniform pants are too big (I can alter them!) or he doesn't know the plays (So study them!). The thing is, he tends to want to quit things. He plays the sax and wanted to quit it this year. I didn't let him and he hasn't complained about it at all. I did let him quit summer school because it wasn't necessary, I signed him up to keep him busy and he hated it so after a lot of thought, because I did not want to give him the impression that quitting is taken lightly, he didn't have to be there so I let him quit. When he wanted to quit the sax, he told his sister that I would let him quit because I let him quit summer school. Ugh!
So my thinking is that they haven't even had their first game yet. I think he should finish the season, which isn't very long and the middle school team he is on only has like four games. If he still hates it, he never has to play again but at least he gave it a full chance since he wanted to play in the first place. Then again, I hate for him to be miserable and waste time that he could be using for something else more fulfilling. But perhaps the underlying message, which would be to follow through on commitments, is more important. Then again, maybe I am thinking too seriously about this and over thinking. :) I also think that maybe hubby or I should talk to the coach.
So what do you all think? How do you or did you handle your kids wanting to quit something? What would you do in my shoes? And where is that darn Child's Owner Manual when you need it? :) Parenting is definitely the toughest job in the world. Yet also the most rewarding! :)
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I would make sure that nothing bad is happening to him - probably not.
ReplyDeleteIf it is only another start and quit thing, you might think about drawing a line in the sand and choosing to teach them the importance of sticking to a goal, by requiring them to finish what they begin.
I think it would be a valuable lesson.
~Faith
Oh dear...this is a hard one. I don't have kids...lol...so take my advice with a grain of salt. Aaron did Taekwondo and quit. I'm a great starter and a bad finisher. I know when I was playing softball in grammar school, I quit cause I felt stupid and like I didn't fit in with the other girls. I think you should MAKE him finish out the year. That's just my advice. I'll be interested to see what everyone else thinks.
ReplyDeleteoh jen i am not the one to give good advise on being tough!lol i am such a free will person :) but like you, i hate to give the kids the impression that they can make a commitment and then dip on it! so glad mine are grown and now they have to be the ones to make decisions like this! lol his reasons for wanting to quit are lame, but i am sure valid from his point of view. maybe fix the pants and then see if their is someone who is willing to help him learn the plays? maybe an older kid he looks up to? idk sweetie but i am here pulling for YOU! we should get issued manuals like you said!! big herbal and honey hugs to you jennifer and hang in there lady!!:)
ReplyDeleteI tell my kids ahead of time that if they want to join in on sports, band, etc. they have to finish what they start. They can't quit in the middle, because that is not an option. If they want to do something just because their friends are in it then definitely not. They are usually happy that they stuck it out. Just keep encouraging them in whatever they do.
ReplyDeletehmmm...i'm not there yet, only looking ahead..and that is a tough one!
ReplyDeletei would talk to the coach..see what he thinks...maybe there is something else going on too...
i want to say, make him finish is because it was a commitment
but..i also think it might prevent him from trying new things in the future...i wouldn't want to try something if i had to stick with it for a long time if i hated it
like you said--it could just be a waste of his time
maybe make him stick it out half the season and then if his leaving the team does not affect anyone else negatively..he can quit???
ah, i don't know..not even my child and it stresses me out :)
very tough call
i'll be interested to see what you decide
I think talking to his coach is a good idea. If there are no real problems, I would make him finish out the season.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this really helps but I remember my Mom going through this with me. I wanted to quit everything and I would scream and cry and do whatever until she let me. As I got older she was a hard sell when I wanted to join anything. I'd like to say I gained a lot from her making me stick things out but I'm not really sure. I guess it probably added to my character somehow (?). I eventually started taking riding lessons for which I had to work really hard and save my own money for. Even though I loved lessons there were days when I didn't feel like going to those either so I think even if kids like the activity it can get old fast.
ReplyDeleteSorry I'm not more help, looks like you got some other good feedback though! :)
Oh dear...I use to do this to my mum...all the time!Piano,bongos(yes I said bongos) tennis,ballroom dancing,horse riding,guitar..along list.She never let me quit the first time I asked,but I did wear her down after a while.I figure ,I had a go,I tried it,how else was I suppose to find out if I liked it or not????And I was a softy with my son.So ..not a great deal of help here,sorry.But I do feel for you,if that helps,lol.Remember,a mum is only as happy as her saddest child.
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much for your feedback! :) I did talk to his Coach today and he said he is doing fine at practice and doesn't seem to be having or causing any problems. :) That is good! I did tell him the reasons Son has given and say that I think he may be bored with practice...Coach said he thinks all the boys are feeling that way right now. I did tell him that son wants to quit, but that I am making him finish the season because he made a committment to the team. The Coach said he loved that! So for now, that is the plan. I think. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm with Cindy...I have always let the kids know at the get go, yes they can join. I will support them, go to games, recitals, etc. BUT if they start they are to at least finish the season. They may bitch and moan but in the end it won't kill them.
ReplyDeleteMy older are now college age and have bemoaned the fact that they quit certain things, like baseball, piano, etc. They have told me that they will make their kids finish what they start.
Good luck on this...its not easy being a parent! Kim
You're doing the right thing...He should follow-through with his committments..Another reason (for football) is that his teammates are depending on him, so he would be letting them down if he quits.
ReplyDeleteAnd who knows, he may learn to love playing the Sax...
Maybe we should all get together and write a book...All the answers to the questions you have raising your kids..! We could make millions!! lol
Good luck, you're on the right track..our son is going to be 22 next month and as many mistakes as we think we made, he has turned out fine!
R Dean